


Year One

by GameOfOlicity



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Emotional Hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-28 07:22:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13899144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GameOfOlicity/pseuds/GameOfOlicity
Summary: It’s been a year. She thought the pain might go away at some point but it didn’t one bit. It hurts just as much and she can’t do anything about it.





	Year One

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I was feeling overly emotional so I decided to do this.  
> Bring some tissues.

Year One

 

 

Felicity wakes up with that feeling again. That feeling that her hear is so overwhelmed with emotions that she feels like it’s going to prevent her from breathing. She turns around to the empty side of the kind size bed.

She allows a single tear fall down her cheek before wiping it and getting up walking straight to the bathroom.

In the shower she closes her eyes, thankful to her brain for allowing her to sleep a normal 7 hours instead of not at all most of the nights. Most nights she would cry herself to sleep and some others Oliver and William would join her and her her until they all fall asleep.

The last year and a half had been rough on her. Not just because of work but because she had this permanent weight on her chest. Crushing her and tiring her to no end.

She’s been strong sure, she’s been the best mother one could hope for and the best CEO an entreprise would want. But today had been like a gigantic slap on her porcelaine skin.

She knew the day would come and it had been suffocatingly slow until that day finally arrived. But here she was, in her shower, hoping it was all just a bad dream. She hoped every day to wake up but the only waking up from she had done was from the awful nightmares she had been experiencing.

Today she woke up alone in her bed. The feeling crushed her like a train had passed over her full force. But knew her boys were here, they were both in the apartment somewhere. So she hurried and finished her shower before picking nice clothes for the day.

Her usual grey pencil skirt and a pink shirt would do just fine for today. She put her clothes on as well as some mascara and blush and walked downstairs to find her boys eating breakfast at the bar. She plastered her best fake smile on her face and hugged William first before hugging Oliver and kissing him.

“How are you boys doing today?” She pours herself a hue cup of coffee in her favorite mug, the one Oliver offered to her with little arrows and computers.

“We’re doing pretty good even though he’s been a bit mean to me this morning.” Felicity and William chuckle as Oliver slaps him in the arm.

“I have been nice!” Oliver said, pouting a bit and Felicity felt her eyes water again at the sight of those beautiful blue eyes staring at her.

“Okay guys, you ready?” Felicity asked more for herself than her men but whatever.

They both nodded and felicity went to put her shoes while Oliver and William put their coats and scarfs on.

They went outside the apartment, Felicity holding hands with Oliver and William by her side.

Over the last year, William and Felicity grew extremely close and the young man only stayed by her side no matter what.

They all hopped in the car and felicity started the engine, going out of her parking place and into the city’s traffic.

They drove for about half an hour and halted when they arrived at the cemetery.

Usually they went every Sunday. Or every Saturday if Sunday were to be rainy. But this was different. It’s been a year exactly and Felicity didn’t really care if it was raining or snowing or an atomic bomb was blowing the city she would have still gone today.

The three of them walked silently in the cemetery until they arrived to the tomb they were searching for. Those damn military cemeteries are too large for felicity and she always forgets where he is.

Of course Oliver had to got to the army. After they beaten Cayden James’ group he had nothing to do so he, John and another man decided to enroll for Irak. She remembers how she insisted he didn’t go, but he begged her and she relented. Powerless. And no she stands in front of his tomb. His empty tomb. Because of course they never found his body, that would have been too good to be true.

The three of them sat down on the grass and William and Oliver held Felicity’s hands tight as she closed her eyes. Trying not to cry in front of them and miserably failing.

She starts crying hard and fast enough the tears were rolling down her cheeks like a fountain had been opened in her eyes.

It’s been a year. A year without him. Without his touch, without his arms around her. A year without falling asleep with him whispering I love you’s and waking up to sweet endearments. She has nightmares every fracking night but that isn’t apparently enough for her brain no, she also has his smell all over their house and of course their son, whom she named after him. A sweet torture reminding her what she has lost. Her boy’s blue eyes stared up at her with worry. His blonde brown rising in confusion of seeing his mother cry.

He put his small hand on her face.

“Mama okay?” The toddler asked her. Of course he wouldn’t understand. His father died when he wasn’t even a year old. He has no memory of him and never will have.

Felicity’s throat tightens and she feels like air has become a luxury she didn’t have at that moment.

“It’s okay Oliver,” William patted his brother’s arm. “Mommy misses daddy very much.” A single tear rolled down William’s cheek before he too burst out crying and held felicity as tight as his 16 years old arms would allow him.

Her two year old sat on her laps and held her tight without really knowing what was happening.

Felicity and William stayed down on Oliver’s empty grave for hours. She literally cried all the tears she had in her body. And when no tear would come out of her eyes anymore William took Oliver with him and started walking toward the car, leaving Felicity alone with him.

She lets a sob escape her and tries to wipe to overload of tears that rolled down her cheeks.

“It’s so hard.” She starts, trying to keep her ties and sobs at bay.

“It’s been a year and a half since I last saw you and a year since I learned you wouldn’t be with us anymore.” She swallows a sob once more. “Oliver never got to know you. He’s two years old now. He has your eyes and your hair. And your personality too. He’s like a mini you. Constantly reminding me of what I’ve lost while also reminding me of the life we created together, out of love. William’s doit good too. He’s got good rades and he is trying to be the best son a mother could have.” Felicity chuckles through the tears.

“Yeah, he started calling me mom a bit after you disappeared. I felt closer to him every day. He’s so much like you too, he has your best traits of personality all in him.”

She cried a bit more before straightening her back and talked again.

“I miss you so much, Oliver. Life without you is not the same. I miss your hugs and your kisses and your voice.” She cries again, unable to stop the tears. “I don’t even remember how your voice sound like. I only hear you in my dreams. And when I wake up I forget. It’s so frustrating.” She sniffs and wipe the tears once more before taking the rose bouquet and putting it on his tomb.

She almost cries herself to sleep when she feels a cold hand on her shoulder. She turns around to see Thea with the same bouquet of roses.

They stare at each other for some time before Thea falls beside her and starts crying too. The two women held each other for dear life and cried until their bodies shook like leafs.

“I miss him so much. It shouldn’t have been him. He’s gone too soon.” Thea starts and sniffs.

“He never got to know his niece. Willa never got to know her uncle. And I’ll never see my brother again. Felicity I don’t know if I can make it. I cry myself to sleep every day since last week.” The two women kept holding each other and cried until the first rain drop tainted their coats and they had to get up and in their cars.

Felicity briefly held Roy and Willa and thanked Roy for being there.

“No place I’d rather be today.” He nodded once before taking Willa inside.

Thea had been almost three months pregnant when they learned that Oliver died. It took a toll on both her and Felicity and when the baby girl was born, Thea and Felicity died even more. Wishing Oliver was there to hold her in his big arms.

“Come on mom, it’s raining we need to go home. We’ve been here for almost three hours now.” William said softly, stroking Felicity’s arm up and down.

“Three hours?” Felicity said, disbelief clear in her tone.

William nodded and headed inside the car to check if Oliver was well seated and secure before going to the passenger seat and putting his own belt.

Felicity hugged Thea and said good bye before going inside her car and starting the engine.

Thea and Roy’s car followed her to the apartment and they all spent the night there.

They ate dinner around the huge table, felicity and thea feeding their babies while Roy and William ate in silence. Too afraid to make them cry again or trigger some emotional spiral. After dinner Thea washed Willa quickly and gave her to Roy for the night.

They tried watching a movie but the mood was too heavy to do anything else than found to sleep and eventually try not to cry. That is if they can, ever since they got home Felicity had numbed in one of Oliver’s old hoodies and started crying in the middle of their living room and Thea tried to consulate her but instead cried with her and they ended up wearing both one of his hoodies.

They all went to bed at 10pm and Thea and Felicity ended up sleeping cuddling little Oliver in their arms.

Roy and Willa in the guest room while William slept in his room.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, sorry if I ruined your day. If it makes anything better I cried writing this. Like actual tears.


End file.
